The February sun shines down on Oswestry Castle; the battlements gleam.
The daily chores are in full swing...the Justicier having had a particularly busy morning for a Thursday.
Master Falconer trains the hunting birds, watched by Sir Percival, leader of Blue Watch.
Mary spins wool into yarn, watched by Marmalade the cat,
while Louise wrings out the washing. But where are the clothes pegs?
"Call the plumber" demands the Earl, "the drains are stinking!"
Bert the plumber arrives within the hour, and knocks on the drawbridge with his plunger.
Sir Percival greets him. "We're desperate. The smell gets worse every day, and the Earl is furious. He's just had the Chamberlain beheaded."
Bert interviews some of the castle's residents. Justicier Alf Grundy just glares at him, and he moves swiftly on.
Josh, an archer on guard in the northeast tower, is more forthcoming. "Up here I gets plenty of fresh air, but every time the wind blows from the southwest it smells like the Devil's Portaloo."
This is the clue Bert needed, and within a couple of hours he is examining the Garderobe. He gets paid by the hour. Tutting and sucking his teeth, he talks to the Earl.
"See it's this way, your, er, Earlship. These old outside Garderobes, the lead flashings deteriorate. They can't take the strain, so to speak, and this one's on its last gasp."
"What can be done?" asks the Earl short-temperedly.
"Well see, your, ahem, Earliness, you just can't get the parts anymore. These old ones was fitted in imperial measures, but it's all metric now, your, er, Earldom. I can bodge something temporary-like, but really you need a whole new system fitted, your, eh, Earlitude."
"Speak to Percival, and make it so." says the Earl shortly. His nose is hurting.
"Well, your Percivalshipness, his nibs says he wants this old system ripped out, and a whole new one installed. It'll be a big job, take a couple of weeks probably, and I'll need a few of my lads along to help lift and shift, and so forth."
"Very well, Bertram, I place the job entirely in your hands. Don't let the Earl down."
Next Thursday week...*
*Cameo appearance by Black Bart (far left), my Secret Santa klicky from Arizzo!
